Woke up and decided to write this

"Nibby" (nibby68)
05/20/2020 at 08:15 • Filed to: None

When you no longer trust others
When you no longer trust yourself
When you can’t be yourself around others
When you can’t figure out yourself
When you convince yourself you will be alone forever
When you convince yourself you will be by yourself forever
When you realize you’re always the first to reach out
When you realize they only reach out if they need something
When family isn’t supportive
When they put their own interests above everything else
When they convince you are worthless
When they criticize everything you do or say
When they are constantly condescending
When you want an escape
When you wish they would get over themselves
When you feel nothing
When you feel nothing about everything
When a wave of nihilism consumes you
When everything turns bleak
When you can no longer see the future
When you can no longer imagine things being different
When you feel as though you reached a plateau
When you are stagnant
When you keep this to yourself
When you reach out but they don’t listen
When you expect from others
When you have no expectations
When you still get disappointed
When you drown yourself in these emotions
When you dig yourself down a deep hole
When you realize they’re just emotions and thoughts
When you realize this just exists inside your head
When you understand do not have to be happy
When you understand everything is temporary
When you understand this is okay
When you understand you are okay

You have choices. Be observant of your own thoughts and emotions at all times. Monitor them objectively. Understand they may come from somewhere but they are not always based on rationale or logic. They’re just like waves in the ocean… they come and go. They disappear or just crash onto the shore. Reach out.

Hope this helps whoever. If you’re going through a rough patch I can send you some resources.

DISCUSSION (27)

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > Nibby
05/20/2020 at 08:32

Quality wholesome posting.

Monkey B > Nibby
05/20/2020 at 08:34

good stuff. great post.

functionoverfashion > Nibby
05/20/2020 at 08:37

Definitely some ups and downs lately. This is good stuff.

Nibby > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch
05/20/2020 at 08:38

I BMAN

Nibby > Monkey B
05/20/2020 at 08:38

good monkey. great monkey.

Nibby > functionoverfashion
05/20/2020 at 08:38

figured it might be relatable to someone and if it helps them then it was worth it

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Nibby
05/20/2020 at 09:12

Good post...especially useful in these trying times...

Nibby > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
05/20/2020 at 09:44

Thanks!

ClassicDatsunDebate > Nibby
05/20/2020 at 10:47

I like it.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 14:31

Bars

Wheelerguy > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 14:44

Real talk: I’m just waiting for the semester here to be over. After I bang up my deadlines, I will reset my sleep cycles and do jack-nothing for an entire week, touching neither gadget n or sex organ and reading or watching no news at all. Once that’s done, I can focus on my personal projects: my write-ups for LaLD (which I hope to use as my ticket to monetize more of my writing on DriveTribe), some remixes, a class on playwriting and my two film scripts.

Because the truth is that I have more than enough to not only keep me distracted, but also happy and productive up until school foolishly decides to start in late August. I realize that I have more than enough contacts and friends and cousins to talk to and share my content with. But I know that sh it can still be rough, and if I let national and international matters get to my head and stay there (not channeled out through writing), it will fuck with me and make my life worse than it already is here in Manila.

Thank you. And I suppose for as long as this site and others are around, I’ll come back here. And I’ll keep living.

I will be fine.

No, scratch that. I’ll be okay.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 14:49

The lyrics to Cheap Trick’s Reach Out are kind of along those lines.

Nibby > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
05/22/2020 at 14:57

based them on this out of all things

When the sun has died
When the angels are blind
When the fog lies thick
Over the Palace of god

When the fullmoon lights the earth
When the wolves gather in the open
When blood rains from the heaven high
And from the pearly gates

When Jehovas hordes are slaughtered
When disciples twelve are dead
When beliefs of easter land
Are raped and raped again

When the whore of Babylon rides
When pity turns to hate
When all sons of Satan
Sodomise the lambs of Christ

When the gates have all been opened
When the funerals never end
When Satan’s power paint our hearts
And satisfies our souls

When witches burn the priests
When the Ancient Ones return
When demons ride the nuns
With their horns of dark desire

Nibby > Wheelerguy
05/22/2020 at 14:59

having hobbies and organizing your days is a great way to keep the mental baddies away

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 15:02

Well, that sure is an interesting approach to being hopeful.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 15:06

I »BMAN

I dedicate to him my Citroen-shaped emotions.

Wheelerguy > Nibby
05/22/2020 at 15:18

I broke.

I still need to fap. Why? Is this my curse? To be smart and articulate, but never to be satisfied on my own? Is it because I still haven’t reckoned with my preferences and feelings? Is it because I only get off to [DATA EXPUNGED] and nothing else can cut it anymore?

Nah.

My time will come. Eventually.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Nibby
05/28/2020 at 09:55

And this is depression: being unable to pull yourself out of the doldrums.

Thanks for this (this disease is very present in my family).

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Nibby
05/28/2020 at 10:00

RIP, Bill.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
05/28/2020 at 10:06

I’ve always loved the sentiment of this song, but listening to it right now, “call me” puts the burden on the person in need to reach out. Sometimes, that simple act is more than the person can do. The best friends/family will notice when someone needs a hand/shoulder/hug, and reach out to them.

Nibby > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
05/28/2020 at 11:37

sure glad it helps... let me know if there’s anything else i can help with

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Nibby
05/28/2020 at 11:42

Thankfully I’ve been fortunate to avoid the curse (so far). My mom is bipoloar, and at least a couple of my siblings deal with these feelings from time-to-time. I’m not saying I don’t get down sometimes, but I’ve always been able to get past it.

Nibby > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
05/28/2020 at 11:58

yea same here! it’s good that you can bounce back... i think though writing down stuff like this helps. i was actually feeling pretty fine when i wrote this, was more reflecting on when i didn’t feel so great and just wrote some things i felt from a more objective point of view, if that makes sense

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Nibby
05/28/2020 at 12:14

Yeah, I get it. Hope most of that is in your past.

I was really “lost” in college, failing at engineering school. I’m terribly fortunate to have had my girlfriend at the time (who’s now my wife), and to have found the right path (civil engineering > thinking architecture? > fine arts program > graphic design degree > GIS mapping) and a career that pays well, comes pretty easy to me, and generally isn’t high stress. I still have feelings of inadequacy or sluggishness or un-fulfillment sometimes (not like I’m in my dream job), but I just look at all the positives and keep getting up, getting moving and moving forward (while doing my best not to get in a rut).

I’m 42. I don’t plan on doing the same work I’m doing now when I’m 50. Will need to start working on the when and how of that transition before long.

Nibby > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
05/28/2020 at 12:37

the fact you have an amazing, supportive partner is outstanding... you can always lean on each other for support. she sounds like a wonderful person!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Nibby
05/28/2020 at 13:33

She’s incredible.

Nibby > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
05/28/2020 at 15:46